beautiful to see your U-turn back to your dad. i'm not there yet, and don't expect to be. but i will be beside at his death if time and distance allows. i'm particularly interested in family dysfunction when at least one parent is a psychiatrist. my father was one. he abandoned us emotionally when together, then physically after my parents' divorce. long story short, he relocated to nigeria and took vows to become a catholic priest, leaving my mom to be my brother's caretaker alone. i've yet to meet anyone with a psychiatrist parent and a healthy family unit.
That’s fascinating Heather. Yeah I wonder if it was a generational combination too with the psychiatrist parents. My dad loved stability but was attracted to instability. He also knew how to disappear from his emotions, sitting across from enough people in chaos lends itself to dissociation which doesnt seem easily turned off and on. Thanks for sharing that and best of luck navigating yours
my paternal grandfather, in the thickest of brooklyn accents used to say, "the cobbler's kids always have the worst shoes!" i give that one the laughy sad drama emoji because i never know if i should laugh or cry. 😆🎭
I was heartbroken when you left X, Joshua, but now I can see why you wanted to devote more time to long-form writing. You're very good at it! When I saw this...
He was doing that thing where people who are happier than you try to hide their joy out of respect for your baseline misery
I had such a flash of recognition; I thought I was the only one. There were so many other passages, like this...
Resentment, no matter how tightly clung to, is a tension that can be knifed apart with even the smallest of gestures to the contrary. To his credit, my dad made those gestures to the contrary, and to my credit, I accepted them
that made me think "Wow, this man is a poet." Then I remembered your poetry book :)
There's a bit of the "toiling in obscurity" thing that runs through much if not all of your work, but I feel a shift coming on. I don't think you'll be obscure for very much longer, and I salute your relentless spirit as you become who you are obviously destined to be.
Such a moving meditation on your complex relationship with him; so generous and compassionate in minute observations, but I love most the framework of honesty, of telling the truth about what was hard and bad and even wrong. This is real life, and you honour him by making him so human in your retelling. Like so many of us I also have a complicated (vexed/erstwhile/estranged) relationship with my father, and so does my little one. Breaking the cycles of failed fatherhood is some of the hardest and most important work there is. It requires so much empathy! But also facing some terrible, terrifying truths. Thank you.
I love reading this thank you for the thoughts to turn over Karen. I appreciate you picking up on those details too. This is an important piece to me for those details you mentioned
I appreciate your work and storytelling so much. I wish I could eloquently say how much it impacts me. Such a beautiful piece about your dad…but also about you and the love you gave him. Being by his side, picking up his medicine, massaging his swollen legs. God I’m crying as I type this. The hummingbird. 😭It’s just all really fucking beautiful. Thank you for sharing your stories. It was an honor to read.
I am blown away by how you got all these little snippets and attention to detail on the page. The ultimate love letter to your Dad. I see a lot of parallels to my own family’s dynamics in your account here…reading this has softened me (which feels like a huge gift especially this time of year) and also encouraged me to continue trying to write it all down. Thanks for sharing this piece!
For some reason I found myself reading this end to beginning and then beginning to end and it was all lovely both ways. Thanks for sharing this - I felt it deep somewhere. What a tribute to love and fathers.
What a read. Just came across your podcast and wanted to learn more. Such a beautiful writer with such insightful views on the world around you. Amazed at the way you’re able to capture the nature of people. In a much different note, I’m excited to check out some of your comedy after learning about you and to listen to more of your podcast. Keep up the good work.
i was superficially scrolling ig and a video of yours made me laugh (never heard of you before) and then i was superficially scrolling your page and then i absentmindedly clicked on your substack link. within a few sentences, i was lost in the depth of your narration. i read it all the way till the end, totally transported.
it is a beautiful piece of writing and tribute to your father that will remain in my mind. i imagine that it could not have been easy to write. you have a lot of stories left to tell i feel- thank you and good luck!
Such a beautiful depiction of love met in an unconventional way. Thank you for sharing. It’s an honor to read it
Thank you so much for reading it Rosie. I really am honored having it met
I am geriatrician and I doubt you are consuming the beast of streaming but The Later Daters and stories like this are so needed in today’s society
beautiful to see your U-turn back to your dad. i'm not there yet, and don't expect to be. but i will be beside at his death if time and distance allows. i'm particularly interested in family dysfunction when at least one parent is a psychiatrist. my father was one. he abandoned us emotionally when together, then physically after my parents' divorce. long story short, he relocated to nigeria and took vows to become a catholic priest, leaving my mom to be my brother's caretaker alone. i've yet to meet anyone with a psychiatrist parent and a healthy family unit.
That’s fascinating Heather. Yeah I wonder if it was a generational combination too with the psychiatrist parents. My dad loved stability but was attracted to instability. He also knew how to disappear from his emotions, sitting across from enough people in chaos lends itself to dissociation which doesnt seem easily turned off and on. Thanks for sharing that and best of luck navigating yours
my paternal grandfather, in the thickest of brooklyn accents used to say, "the cobbler's kids always have the worst shoes!" i give that one the laughy sad drama emoji because i never know if i should laugh or cry. 😆🎭
I was heartbroken when you left X, Joshua, but now I can see why you wanted to devote more time to long-form writing. You're very good at it! When I saw this...
He was doing that thing where people who are happier than you try to hide their joy out of respect for your baseline misery
I had such a flash of recognition; I thought I was the only one. There were so many other passages, like this...
Resentment, no matter how tightly clung to, is a tension that can be knifed apart with even the smallest of gestures to the contrary. To his credit, my dad made those gestures to the contrary, and to my credit, I accepted them
that made me think "Wow, this man is a poet." Then I remembered your poetry book :)
There's a bit of the "toiling in obscurity" thing that runs through much if not all of your work, but I feel a shift coming on. I don't think you'll be obscure for very much longer, and I salute your relentless spirit as you become who you are obviously destined to be.
Such a moving meditation on your complex relationship with him; so generous and compassionate in minute observations, but I love most the framework of honesty, of telling the truth about what was hard and bad and even wrong. This is real life, and you honour him by making him so human in your retelling. Like so many of us I also have a complicated (vexed/erstwhile/estranged) relationship with my father, and so does my little one. Breaking the cycles of failed fatherhood is some of the hardest and most important work there is. It requires so much empathy! But also facing some terrible, terrifying truths. Thank you.
I love reading this thank you for the thoughts to turn over Karen. I appreciate you picking up on those details too. This is an important piece to me for those details you mentioned
I appreciate your work and storytelling so much. I wish I could eloquently say how much it impacts me. Such a beautiful piece about your dad…but also about you and the love you gave him. Being by his side, picking up his medicine, massaging his swollen legs. God I’m crying as I type this. The hummingbird. 😭It’s just all really fucking beautiful. Thank you for sharing your stories. It was an honor to read.
Thank you Lisa its really profound to hear that from you. I’m grateful it resonated
I was listening and had to stop myself from crying at 7/11, thank you for writing this!
Sorry! And also I didnt know you could listen to these! Thanks for the heads up
I am blown away by how you got all these little snippets and attention to detail on the page. The ultimate love letter to your Dad. I see a lot of parallels to my own family’s dynamics in your account here…reading this has softened me (which feels like a huge gift especially this time of year) and also encouraged me to continue trying to write it all down. Thanks for sharing this piece!
Thank you for this ❤️
For some reason I found myself reading this end to beginning and then beginning to end and it was all lovely both ways. Thanks for sharing this - I felt it deep somewhere. What a tribute to love and fathers.
This was really beautiful to read, thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Elaine!
This had me laughing out loud at the fear of eating out of a trash can and crying. Just beautiful.
Thanks Kellie! I still think about him saying that all the time and am like, still haven’t, still luckily haven’t dad
So many beautiful love stories in one piece 💕 wherever your Dad is I hope he has that sweet smile on his face.
What a read. Just came across your podcast and wanted to learn more. Such a beautiful writer with such insightful views on the world around you. Amazed at the way you’re able to capture the nature of people. In a much different note, I’m excited to check out some of your comedy after learning about you and to listen to more of your podcast. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much! I’m going on tour this summer. Check my site for cities, am adding a bunch. I really appreciate you checking into my work
i was superficially scrolling ig and a video of yours made me laugh (never heard of you before) and then i was superficially scrolling your page and then i absentmindedly clicked on your substack link. within a few sentences, i was lost in the depth of your narration. i read it all the way till the end, totally transported.
it is a beautiful piece of writing and tribute to your father that will remain in my mind. i imagine that it could not have been easy to write. you have a lot of stories left to tell i feel- thank you and good luck!
I was moved by the writing
This story is a gift. It brought up some repressed grief with my own father, and that too is a gift. Thank you!
This is a nice arrangement of letters worth reading